I was so excited to feel an almost foreign sensation of muscles burning yesterday. I had forgotten what it felt like to intentionally increase my heart rate and get my body moving (not referring to the heart racing and involuntarily muscle twitching – that’s a whole different topic). It was a beautiful day and two weeks into the antibiotics, I was feeling peculiarly spunky, so I decided it was time to push the limits. I grabbed the leash, put on my “running attire” and off we went. I knew it was unrealistic to attempt running, so I convinced myself that a brisk walk would be a good start. I wanted to feel a sense of accomplishment – not defeat. PLUS, I know how it feels to run, when I’m a tad bit out of shape (according to my OLD standards) and if this new body were to run, I wouldn’t be able survive the mental anguish of all the jiggling, rubbing, flapping and bouncing that’s not supposed to occur when you run. I know my limits – physical and emotional – and that would have put me over the edge!
It was invigorating! As I made my way around the path for a second lap, I started to feel that encouraging burn and I knew I was finally on my way to the road to recovery. Just a few years ago, I was the most physically fit I had ever been in my life, but I was a wreck mentally. I didn’t know what my purpose in life was, what I should be focusing on, what made me happy. I was lost.
But today, driving home from work, as I looked up at the beautiful sunset, I realized that life is so easy when you know why you are here. I’m not jumping out of airplanes to raise awareness for Autism (just one of my many “projects” to give me a sense of accomplishment), planning fundraisers, or trying to conquer the board of education. I’m just me . . . and for some strange reason, God loves me and he sent his Son to die on the cross for MY sins. My never ending list of sins. And the best part is that he wants nothing from me. I don’t have to say 10 Hail Mary’s or do any religious ritual. I just have to love him back. And believe me, once you feel HIS love, nothing compares. And loving Him couldn’t be easier. I don’t know the details of my path, but I know it’s His path for me – so that makes it easy. It takes away all the doubt, all the skepticism. It’s love. Pure and simple.
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.