Underneath the pillow: trying to hide from life

 

My migraines and herxing (what happens to your body when the meds start to kill off the bacteria, releasing chemicals & toxins into your body, which can make you feel worse,  until your body mops up the mess and gets rid of it) have crushed my spirit this week. I’ve found that I can suffer through the work day, but once I get home the battling sounds of kids fighting, tv noise and clanking of dishes is enough to bring me to a halt. I can no longer function. After being home for less than an hour, I’m upstairs in my room with the door closed, fan on for white noise, laying in bed with the pillow over my head. With every stomp up the stairs, slamming of a door or holler of a child my body becomes overwhelmed.

I lay in bed, body aching and twitching with every sound. It’s like I suddenly have a nervous twitch…. but instead it’s triggered by stress and loud noises. Joints that have never bothered me are suddenly screaming in pain. As I lay there, I pray that nothing goes wrong downstairs while I’m trying to survive this flare up.

It’s no way to live your life. It’s very similar to depression – but worse, because you WANT to get up and tackle life, but physically you just can’t. So, it’s a struggled to stay positive, to be grateful for the life you’ve been given – when you can’t tolerate it. But with lots of prayers from my dear friends and a husband who is always pulling my extra weight for me, I pushed through. And fortunately for me, with each day that passes by I know I’m one day closer to feeling better again . . .  even if it is only temporarily.

The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me — a prayer to the God of my life. —Psalm 42:8

When we are in pain, the midnight hour is not the easiest time to hold a worship service. There are times when we don’t feel like singing to the Lord or praising Him. But Hebrews 13:15 reminds us, “Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.”
Are you facing a hardship today? Don’t hide under the pillow. God can give you songs in the night.

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Sometimes it’s hard to hear the voice of truth . . . with four kids fighting and the pounding of a migraine.

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The Giant keeps telling me that I’ll never win. He keeps laughing at me. “I’m cured!” I almost laugh at myself when I recall saying that to hubby two weeks ago. Life is a roller coaster, I know. Been there, done that. Believe me with triplets there are a lot of ups and downs. I used to tell people that our good days are REALLY good and our bad days are REALLY BAD! Then with Autism, it’s the same sort of thing. Those daily, pain in the butt tantrums and ritualistic schedules that you have to stick to (OR ELSE) are so tough, but when your autistic child does something like step out onto a stage and sing Christmas songs with the rest of his class, it is oh-so wonderful!

But Lyme is the first trial that I’ve been through that has both emotional and PHYSICAL ups and downs. I’ve been waiting to write, because i didn’t have anything positive to say. I just wanted to vent and complain, and I kept telling myself that I couldn’t post until I could come up some creative way to tie it all into a bible verse that would make it all seem okay. But the truth is, it’s not all okay. It’s brutal. And I’m allowed to admit that . . . . both privately to myself, publicly to you, and in prayer to God.

Faith doesn’t make things easy, it makes them possible. Luke 1:37 (hey, there’s my bible verse!)

So, I’m allowed to say it sucks (even though my husband said I shouldn’t write that), because it does. And if I had to wait until I felt good to write another blog, we may be waiting a LONNGGG time – and the point of this blog is to educate and inspire others. I can’t really do that if I’m not posting, right? Right!

So, here’s to the little things in life . . .  like my baby boy being the star of a Christmas concert that I never imagined he would even walk out onto the stage for – let alone to steal the show!  (you have to turn the volume up and listen to the crowd responding to him)

I feel like Lym…

I feel like Lyme Disease is my giant. It keeps mocking me, telling me that I’ll never win. Then I heard this song by Casting Crowns.

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I’m in
On to the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He’s holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again, “Boy, You’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the Voice of Truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they’d have had the strength to stand

But the giant’s calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again, “Boy, You’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the Voice of Truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The Voice of Truth

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don’t seem so high
From on top of them lookin’ down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the Voice of Truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me(calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe(I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe
The Voice of Truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe
The Voice of Truth

I will listen and believe
Cause Jesus you are the Voice of Truth
And I will listen to you
you are