Underneath the pillow: trying to hide from life


My migraines and herxing (what happens to your body when the meds start to kill off the bacteria, releasing chemicals & toxins into your body, which can make you feel worse,  until your body mops up the mess and gets rid of it) have crushed my spirit this week. I’ve found that I can suffer through the work day, but once I get home the battling sounds of kids fighting, tv noise and clanking of dishes is enough to bring me to a halt. I can no longer function. After being home for less than an hour, I’m upstairs in my room with the door closed, fan on for white noise, laying in bed with the pillow over my head. With every stomp up the stairs, slamming of a door or holler of a child my body becomes overwhelmed.

I lay in bed, body aching and twitching with every sound. It’s like I suddenly have a nervous twitch…. but instead it’s triggered by stress and loud noises. Joints that have never bothered me are suddenly screaming in pain. As I lay there, I pray that nothing goes wrong downstairs while I’m trying to survive this flare up.

It’s no way to live your life. It’s very similar to depression – but worse, because you WANT to get up and tackle life, but physically you just can’t. So, it’s a struggled to stay positive, to be grateful for the life you’ve been given – when you can’t tolerate it. But with lots of prayers from my dear friends and a husband who is always pulling my extra weight for me, I pushed through. And fortunately for me, with each day that passes by I know I’m one day closer to feeling better again . . .  even if it is only temporarily.

The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me — a prayer to the God of my life. —Psalm 42:8

When we are in pain, the midnight hour is not the easiest time to hold a worship service. There are times when we don’t feel like singing to the Lord or praising Him. But Hebrews 13:15 reminds us, “Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.”
Are you facing a hardship today? Don’t hide under the pillow. God can give you songs in the night.

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