Apparently its been over an hour since I’ve moved, not counting the involuntary muscle spasms. I’m lying in fetal position in bed, strumming up the energy to simply roll to the other side to relieve the pain. The room is rocking back and forth as if I was on a boat, making my migraine even more intense. My skin feels like it’s burning from the inside out. Every muscle in both my legs is throbbing and aching. My heart is racing. My joints are screaming. My jaw pain is moving up to my cheek. My head begins to twitch. I finally get enough energy to move my foot away from the dog, only to find out that he wasn’t touching me. The sensation of bugs crawling on me is back. I spent my morning brushing hair away from my face with my hands, only to realize there was no hair there. This is what happens when the medication works. This is what happens to your body when the bacteria begin to die off. This is what happens when all of the awful things that make up the bacteria begin to flow freely through my body. Welcome to Herxing.
My baby comes in crying. He’s so sorry for making me sick. He thinks his fighting with his sibling caused the “flare up,” My heart breaks into a million pieces and we sob together. Your child is not supposed to see you like this. He’s not supposed to be afraid to speak or play too loudly, with fear that mommy might spend the rest of the night in bed. Tomorrow is their birthday. We have an amazing day planned . . . a trip to the beach, water park all day, rides all night. Is Lyme going to ruin that too? How much does it have to take away? How much pressure does my husband need to have on him? When will my children be able to have a worry-free childhood again?
I can’t help to ask, “when is enough, enough?” So, today I come to you for the inspirational quote of the day, the bible verse that makes it all somehow seem better. Because right now, as the red tears stream down my face, I’m defeated.