Ever sit back and look at the people around you and wonder what’s going on in their lives? I do it all the time. I try to imagine what sort of trials or issues people are going through. You never know who’s happily cruising through life and who is battling hardship after hardship. Unless you have your own reality show – which isn’t that hard to come by these days, no one really knows (and even on those shows, you only know what the producers want you to know).
I wonder what the people in the cars surrounding me thought today as I tried to hold back my ugly cry. My sunglasses hid the tears, but I couldn’t do anything about the boo-boo lip and the sobbing. Did they think I just got diagnosed with cancer, left my husband, lost a job? I’m pretty sure no one thought, “Hey, I bet she’s upset because she just realized her Lyme infection is back!”
But that’s today’s episode of my reality show. As the symptoms of my sinus infection started to consume my thoughts, it dawned on me that my very first Lyme symptoms mimicked a sinus infection. Then once I did the math, I realized that it had been just about six weeks since we stopped treating Lyme and started treating Bartonella. — Side note: it takes Lyme bacteria approximately 4-6 weeks to reproduce. — I flash backed to almost one year ago when I had a bad sinus infection that wouldn’t go away. Antibiotics would help temporarily, but as soon as I finished them, the symptoms came back with vengeance. That’s when I landed myself in the hospital where this whole Lyme investigation began.
As upset as I was coming to the realization that my battle wasn’t half over (thinking the Lyme was officially gone and it was just a matter of time before the Bartonella was cured) I remembered the comfort I felt just yesterday, when I realized WHY this was happening . . . to write this blog and be the light for others. I had to remember that no matter how many ups and downs there would be, that this life is not my own. Life is just an amusement park and God is the gate keeper. Each trial that we go through is it’s own ride and they all have a purpose. We may not understand it or even enjoy it, but then again it’s not for us to understand. He has me on this ride for a reason. So, I’m strapped in, the seat belt is on – and although I hate going in circles, I’m on the Tea Cups now and I will suck it up. No matter how many vicious circles I have to go through, or how nauseating the experience may be – I will not get off. I will hang on til the end. And for those of you who know me, you know how much I HATE going in circles!
There’s only one circle that I like . . . the circle of marriage. It has no beginning and no end. Mark 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. As I was doing the embarrassing ugly cry on the way home, I got a surprise text from Hubby letting me know he was coming home early. I am so thankful for a husband that not only keeps our circle together, but has over the past few years tightened it, bringing us closer than ever. But I am even more thankful for a God who knows when I’ve had enough of the spinning and will send my Prince Charming to ride along with me, always giving me a strong hand to hold and someone to hold my hair while I puke my guts up.