I read my daily devotional from Greg Laurie today, he quoted 2 Corinthians 11:25: Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea.
We all have our hardships in life – some more so than others. I’ve been catching myself questioning God, asking Him when my hardships will end. Almost pleading with Him to take them away and prevent any new ones! In my last blog, I mentioned that I knew the areas of my life that I needed to improve upon and I felt God speaking to me about how to resolve them, but that it’s like he’s allowing all of these obstacles in my life, to make it that much harder for me to follow through. (Reason: to bring me closer to Him)
I wondered . . if I only followed the Lord more closely . . . maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe this is happening because of all of the crappy BC decisions I made. But if Greg Laurie a world renowned evangelical christian would have to suffer the loss of oldest son, the worst possible thing that any parent would have to endure, then surely little old me is going to have my own wrecks – BC issues or not.
No one is perfect. No one is sinless. So, why are we surprised when we find ourselves rocking frantically in a choppy waves? If we know that the storm is temporary and that we have our life vest on – why the fear? Why do we long for a calm, peaceful sail along the Caribbean?
I’ve been off my meds for almost a month now. The same antibiotics that are killing the Lyme/Bartonella co-infection are also damaging my liver. Do I dare compare myself to a cancer patient? The chemo kills the cancer cells, but also makes them sick, makes their hair fall out etc . . . But in the end, as long as the cancer is gone, I’m assuming they all agree it’s well worth it. In my case, I don’t have much of a choice. My doctor has given me instruction to stop all meds until my liver enzymes get back up to where they need to be. In the meantime, the infection is taking over my body once again.
I’ve written before about convenient memory . . . how mom’s who go through pain-staking labor suddenly forget those previous 36 hours of pain, when they hold their little one for the first time. That’s how I am with my Lyme symptoms. I conveniently forgot how debilitating my pre-antibiotic days were. I had forgotten that I was literally bed-ridden due to my exhaustion. That is, until . . . it came back and slapped me in the face last week.
I was literally falling asleep in the car waiting for the kids to get off the bus at 3:15 in the afternoon. I was nonexistent as a parent, spouse, co-worker and friend. It is no way to live your life. It made me miss my “herxing” days of rashes covering my legs and abdomen and intense migraines. I didn’t think it was possible to miss those!
But it also gave me an appreciation for how far I’ve come. Sometimes it’s hard to see the shore line when you’re out at sea during an intense storm. But when you finally see land (even if it’s just a pit stop) it’s nice to know that you can get off the boat for awhile and enjoy some peace. Maybe some stability. Even if its the difference between debilitating fatigue and flu like body aches . . . that little bit makes all the difference. And those are the little things that we need to hold onto.
So, whatever your storm may be (drug addiction, depression, alcoholism) don’t get sucked under by the giant waves of your storm. Keep your head above water and know that Jesus is really the only life vest you need. He provides everything you need . . . joy, peace, strength, the will to go on . . . He provides all of it. He’s waiting for you to reach out to him. What are you waiting for?