The title of this blog represents three conditions that directly impact my life. I typically focus on Lyme, because that’s the newest of the three and typically has the biggest impact on my daily life. Recently, the third has taken over. Ironically, while we were busy taking our boys from specialists to specialist, to get their Autism diagnosis, my mom started to inquire about the neurologist we were seeing. Apparently, she was having some issues of her own. It took almost two years, but after dozens of tests and numerous doctor’s appointments, my mom was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimers. Almost five years later, she’s well into the final stages of this dreadul disease. Did I mention, she’s only 62?
Whenever I would tell anyone about my mom’s diagnosis, I would get this sad – yet horrific look . . . . like, “you poor soul, you have no idea what you’re in for.” Kind of like someone who truly understands Lyme Disease. My biggest fear with Alzheimer’s was that my mom wouldn’t remember me. I intentionally did not research this disease. I did not want to obsess and worry myself to death. I knew there was nothing we could do, so I just accepted it. I knew her brain was deteriorating, but I assumed it was just her memory. I had no idea what we were in for.
The stories of her behavior sound more like someone suffering from Schizophrenia than Alzheimer’s. And what my father endures on a daily basis . . . . no one should ever have to live with. With my mom’s situation, like most of my battles, I have an almost eerie peace. It reminds me of the song, “I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin.
There’s a peace I’ve come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There’s an anchor for my soul
I can say “It is well”
I wish I could say that for the rest of my family . . . especially my father. He’s not saved. I’m not sure he even believes that there is a God. He struggles to get through every minute of every day. His hope is still in this world. I’ve been there before. It’s an empty, lonely place.
However, what I do know is that most of us need to hit our own personal rock bottom before we will surrender and finally look up. So, as much as it breaks my heart to see him so broken, I know it’s just a matter of time before he finally reaches out to the only one who can truly help him.
My prayer tonight is for anyone reading this who may be in a similar situation. You’ve turned to drugs, alcohol, shopping – anything to distract you and give you temporary relief from your real pain and sorrow. I’ll never forget what our Pastor told my husband once . . . . he said, “Everyone in your life will let you down at one point. Your spouse, your children, your parents – your best friend. The only one who is always there for you is Jesus,” That always stuck with me – and it’s so true. Life is one big disappointment after another. I’m not trying to be a downer, but none of us are perfect – except Jesus. Therefore, no one can ever live up to your expectations. Once you accept that (and accept Jesus) life and all of the battles you endure are so much easier . . . hence the peace within my soul.
So, if you’re struggling tonight, instead of reaching for a bottle or any other escape mechanism, reach up for your loving father. The one who gave everything for you. HE will be there for you when no one else will. And HE will provide the everlasting love and hope that you will never find anywhere else.